Billy Bragg is someone I grew up with. He was always on the periphery of my musical radar. I was aware of him but never really gave much time to the bard of Barking.

Until I rediscovered him a few years ago and suddenly with the addition of nolstagia and more of a realisation of the political landscape in which I was growing up I got him. I understood why he had seemed so angry and why he had felt the need to spread the word. I was simply too young at the time he was in his ascendancy to fully appreciate what he was actually singing about.

Since my ‘Damascus’ moment I have actively sought out every opportunity to repay my former indifference towards him and have been gifted the opportunity to see him play live on three continents.

It was already a done deal I would see him in my new (but temporary) home in Edmonton. And although he wasn’t stellar, it was the weakest of the four performances I have personally seen, he was a welcome visitor to this incredibly homesick Brit.

It was a strange crowd and atmosphere though in the Winspear. A mixture of young and old as I would have expected as Billy is a well established performer and although they all applauded warmly throughout and gave him a standing ovation at the climax they were on the whole rather subdued. The one time that Billy actively sought audience participation (during the closing number ‘New England’) there was an absence of noise rather than the cacophony of a thousand out of tune voices there should have been. As a result I shouted louder in an attempt to embarrass everyone else into joining in but also to give Billy something back after he had entertained us all for the previous hour and a half.

I got the feeling that mixed in with the younger generation seeking to find out for themselves what the fuss what was about and the hardened fans who lived and breathed the same ideals Billy stood for there was another element present there last night. The elitist Edmontonian arts crowd. Those that pride themselves on the cities reputation as ‘festival city’. For whom the Folk Festival is the pinnacle of their calendar year, where they get the opportunity to parade and preen themselves as the cultural masters of all they survey. It is just such a shame that they have to share it with the rest of us proles. They weren’t there because they believed in Billy’s political stance, they weren’t even there because they truly love music. They were there because they were aware that Billy Bragg is now rightly a folk icon, because CKUA (their guiding musical hand) had told them that was so and because if they hadn’t been there it might have been noticed and how could they have lived that down.

There were a few ‘flat’ moments when it was unfortunately obvious that his politics weren’t perhaps shared by all, at least not when they intruded on Canadian misdemeanors anyway. The Canadian Japanese resettlement during the Second World War being one example when the crowd rather than clap was stunned into polite embarrassment as if Billy had farted at the dinner table. It’s one thing to talk about global issues like capitalism, racism, homophobia etc but to point the finger at us? How dare he?

Perhaps it is partly due to the venue. It is a beautiful space but in my mind far too formal for this kind of event.

Music, from Beethoven to Billy, is visceral, at times violent, at times beautiful, and it should be enjoyed not admired like a fine wine. Not studied coldly from a distance.

I certainly hope Billy received more of an energetic response from audiences elsewhere in Canada.

I made a mistake this week. Against all of the advice of my friends and respected critics worldwide I watched Transformers. That wasn’t the mistake I’m referring to though. It was thinking that surely the second film couldn’t be as terrible as the first.

How wrong I was. Over the course of two evenings I have lost forever nearly five hours of my life.

The warnings were all there. A film that begins with the words ‘A Michael Bay’ film and follows quickly on their heels with in conjunction with ‘Hasbro’ could never be a worthwhile use of time.

In both films every scene begins five seconds after it should and ends five second too early in order to move along (for hours!) at a frantic pace, pummeling the viewer continuously with closely framed images that never dwell for too long for fear you may see how ridiculous those images really are. They jump from scene to scene without bothering to inform the viewer where they might be dragged along to next and not pausing for even a moment to allow them to try and adjust to the shift.

It’s as if whole pages of script and dialogue were tossed aside in the edit suite because they were deemed to slow down the pace.

Which is a shame because it is only when the characters actually open their mouths to speak that the film(s) deliver anything close to entertainment (and I’m being incredibly kind by saying that). Sam’s relationship with his parents for example occasionally points towards an attempt on the writers part to inject humour and pathos into the mix and highlights the writing talent that is sadly not on display elsewhere in the films(s).

If I could be bothered I could quite happily detail all of the plot machinations and exposition but only because it is so simplistic and childish as to be almost totally transparent. NOT because that information shone through as a result of Mr Bay’s heavy-handed intelligent film making.

I imagine that Michael Bay was one of those children who played with his toys making up stories and adventures for them that he acted out in his bedroom or in the garden. Hell we all did. Thankfully not all of us were inspired to craft a career from the experience.

My head was swimming with reasons I loathe North America and living here. From the absence of a real sense of community to the inbuilt desire to consume that is so blatantly on display here to the downright mundane, namely the lack of choice that so a so called free market has given the inhabitants of this bleak and frankly unlivable tract of land north of the United States.

I also wallowed in self pity for a while and so the only thing to do was get up, fix a drink and try to ride the fugue out.

I feel disconnected from the real world. I realise that my definition of ‘real’ is based upon my experiences growing up and that this insular existence is ‘real’ for the Canadians that surround me. They grew up on the fringes of world news and politics. They grew up in a society that built itself on individual rights and damn anyone that tries to pry those rights away.

As a result of my depression, because that’s what it is, I’ve lost all appetite for the few things I used to actually enjoy. Like playing the guitar and even listening to music. I can’t take any pleasure from either at the moment. They just remind me what I’m missing whilst languishing over here. The former is no doubt more of a blessing for everyone else than it is for me.

A whole year has passed and gone. Wasted and lost forever. I’m staring down the barrel of another 12 months and I can’t do it. For me Canada and the northern part of this continent has lost the little sheen it had for me. If it were at all possible for me to just get on a plane and wake up back in Europe I wouldn’t hesitate. And of course I could do that, there is no gun at my temple (discounting the previous metaphor), except that it isn’t that easy. Right now it would be my sanity and happiness or my marriage.

I choose my marriage and so I remain. Getting further depressed by the day but hoping with all my heart that something will rise up from the quagmire and make the time left here at least partly bearable.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/wear/8352729.stm

bizarre

check this out.

Mindele Jacobs is a woman believe it or not. What she is trying to do here is dress up a story that shows a gap in what Canada is doing for women overall by resorting to mysogonistic prose herself.

Surely rather than trying to justify Canada’s severe lack of female representation within politics she should be issuing a rallying cry to women across the country.

Instead she rather feebly points out that geographical constraints serve to keep the female population chained to the kitchen as opposed to lobbying for representation.

I’m surprised that Mindele had time to write the article in between doing the ironing and ferrying the kids to hockey practise.

I’m kind of struggling here. I have no motivation. I’ve started smoking again and eating meat. The reason? I think they are the only two things I have any real feeling of control over.

I am terrified that if and when we go back to the UK I’m going to be unemployable. That I will have spent the last year out of work (whilst waiting for my PR to come through) essentially placing myself out of the job market. There really doesn’t seem to be anything here in Edmonton and although it would at least be something to do I know that by taking a position serving coffee or selling clothes/ books/ groceries/ whatever it will look terrible on CV (resume) that up until last November was starting finally to look impressive.

I genuinely don’t know what to do.

I just saw a pick-up with photographic equipment on it slowly making it’s way up the street I live on.

Is Edmonton being mapped for google or was it something else altogether?

here is a good reason.

I don’t know when it happened but for once the UK is actually leading the world on something positive.

He died for our bins.

Check out Junkyard Jesus.

Maybe its Alberta. I’m not so sure though.

I wake up every morning and lie there with my eyes closed wishing I was back in England. I had a job there, I had friends, I was a stone lighter and felt physically fit.

Here I am still struggling to find meaningful employment (that is a continuation of my career rather than some stopgap that wil only contribute to my unhappiness at having to stay here) and, with the ‘American’ love of the automobile and the way in which cities are designed so as to make it almost impossible to get anywhere without a car, I have not been able to indulge in the two things I loved back in England with anywhere near the frequency I did there. Climbing and playing the guitar. I was good at teh former and mediocre at best at the latter but it still gave me a sense of purpose. Something which is lacking presently.

I miss the beauty of the British Isles. I miss pubs. What passes for a ‘pub’ here is laughable at best. Especially so called ‘English’ or ‘Irish’ pubs. In Britain they are places that communities revolve around and interact within. Here they are bars with loud music and crappy beer.

I miss high streets. Centres of towns and communities where it is possible to walk and do your shopping, where local stores coexist with larger brand names. In the land of ‘free enterprise’ here small traders operate out of dirty industrial estate type environs in hard to reach areas. If you want to buy something car related you go to Canadian Tire (sic), if you want clothes you go to The Gap, if you want fruit you go to a huge corporation owned superstore (not your local greengrocers – they don’t exist).

Everything is big at the expense of individuality and it seems that the picture of Canada sold to the world is at odds with the reality.

I am consistently told that BC and Quebec are different. That I would love Montreal, Vancouver, blah, blah, blah.

I sincerely hope so because at the moment the only thing here I do love is also the only reason I’m still here.

My wife.